Today's the day.

Back in spring semester, I took a Chinese language class. We had to memorize Chinese characters. It wasn't difficult, but we had a lot of homework consisting of nothing but writing dialogues and vocab. Because it wasn't difficult, I got really bored really quick. But I had to keep doing it because I needed the practice. Determined that I would not be sitting here writing Chinese characters for hours on end for nothing, I filled out an application to go back to China as a head teacher. This was in January.

Later that week, I got an email telling me that they're working on filling in all the head teachers they'll need this fall, so it will be May or so before I hear back from them. Totally understandable, I don't mind at all. In fact, I really appreciate that a significant period of time would pass before anyone tried to contact me again, so THEY TOLD ME. Such a professional and considerate thing to do. That should just flat out be the way things are done. But I'm getting off topic.

May or so rolls around and they contact me, and I have my interviews with Casey. Everything is fine and dandy. My prospects of going back to China for spring semester 2013 are looking very promising. I read all the preparatory packets, I contact Michelle about setting up a time where we can go over the documents packet, and everything is moving along nicely. At this point, I'm not thinking it should be too long before I have the names of my teachers. Wanting to get a good time table, though, I ask how long it will be before I know if I made it into the program again, and I find out it will actually be about two months.

Two months pass, to the day, yet I haven't heard back from either Michelle or Casey (or anyone else, for that matter). I'm starting to get nervous, but Michelle said about two months, and even that was a guess. So they haven't actually left me hanging longer than normal. The thing is that I'm just so excited at this point that I'll be able to go back to China, and not hearing back makes me worried. So I take the advice of my mom and my good friend Kylee, and I drop Michelle an email that just asks about how the process is going and tells her that I'm getting really excited but also a little nervous. This email was sent six days after my "two month" mark.

In fact, I sent that email two weeks ago today. I didn't ask her to tell me if I was going. I didn't ask her to tell me if I wasn't going. I said, and I quote, "I was just wondering if there was any news about head teaching this spring, or if Casey was any closer to figuring everything out." That's it. Maybe to other people that sounds like I want a solid answer or no answer at all, but that wasn't my intent. And I don't honestly think it sounds like that was my intent. All I was really looking for was a quick response that said something like, "I'm so sorry, we've just been really busy these past couple months. We haven't forgotten you, though! It'll probably be about another --- days/weeks/months."

That response would have been perfect. Instead, I didn't get any answer. It's been two weeks, and I didn't even get an acknowledgement that I emailed them. Which would lead me to believe that she might not have gotten my email, but that's never been the case in the past, so I don't know why it would be now (I'm a fan of using past experience to determine what the likely outcome now is). But, even if she didn't get my email, it's been almost 3 months since she originally told me that it would be about two, and I haven't gotten an answer yet.

To be perfectly honest, I don't care one way or the other if I go back. There are pros and cons to both, but I really feel as though it works out completely evenly. If I go: I get to experience authentic Chinese food again; I'll be able to see my kids again (probably); my job will be waiting for me when I get back home (assuming I get the job in the first place, which I am assuming); and I'll be able to make new friends and show them exactly what there is to love about China. If I stay: I can move out sooner; I'll be able to work at a job that I already love without having to take any time off; I don't have to leave Jack or Leonard; and maintaining new friendships that I've recently made will be much easier.

Both lives sound really perfect. And I prayed about it for weeks, if not months, on end, and either option will work out just fine for me. Which is great news! It's not like going back to China was the only thing I could envision doing with my life, and now I'm stuck, wondering what to do with myself. I have great plans either way. But that makes it annoying, too. I have many great plans I want to pursue, but can't because I don't know what I'm doing yet.

If I go back, then I will get a job, buy things to take with me, save up money and then go and come home and save up more money for a little while and move out in about a year, maybe 11 months. If I stay, then I will get a job, get enough hours, and move out in 2-3 months. On one hand, I need to go out and buy food and notebooks and pens and start talking to my teachers to prepare them, and tell them what school supplies to buy, etc. On the other hand, I need to buy things I'll need around the house-- spatulas, kitchen table, etc-- and start saving up money to put down a deposit. It would be straight up dumb to do both of these things. So I'm at a standstill with my life until I find out if I'm leaving or staying in the country.

Which is why I decided last Saturday that if I don't hear back from them today (Wed), then I'll email them myself and retract my application. Part of me wishes that they would call right now and tell me they want me as a head teacher because I was so excited to be able to go back to China. And I'm pretty sure that if I don't go back now, I never will-- at least not to live. But there's another part of me (and this part is nearly positive that I'll be emailing ILP in 8-10 hours to tell them I'll just stay here) that's glad they haven't gotten back to me yet, because as much as I'd love to leave again, it really just makes so much more sense to stay here. Plus it'll be easier, and I think I'll be nearly just as happy.

I guess, since I'm not going to be living outside America for a while, it's time to start saving up money for some awesome vacations. First on the list: skiing in Chile and Argentina. :)

And by "skiing," I probably mean "snowboarding."

And by "snowboarding," I probably mean "failing terribly at snowboarding."

It's gonna be awesome.