At least it's a start.

I just went through all of my head teacher's blogs from when we were in China (she's Annalisa on the side bar, there, in case you want to run through and look at some pictures that I didn't ever post. It used to have the wrong URL, but I fixed that). I thought it might help me come to a decision about going back to China or not.

It definitely made me remember missing China and the awesome memories I made there with my friends. Made me want to go back and make new memories, get more friends, and change more lives.

Then, Jack (my dog) came and sat on my lap and was just being adorable in general. As he always is. And that reminded me of all the things that I would miss about being here if I left. I'm just not quite sure yet. I hate that this has been plaguing me for so long. One day, plan A will seem 100% right. Then the next day, I wonder how I ever thought going through with plan A was a legit option, when clearly plan B is where it's at. And more often than not, both options seem right and wrong at the same time.

Oh well. I'll get the answer eventually. I know it.

I have decided that I will make it through the last 4 weeks of school. That's 12 classes in total. I don't know how well I'll do, but I once found a quote that said, "I can accept failure. Everyone fails at something. But I can't accept not trying." For a long time, it was something I incorporated in my life, but the past couple weeks, I've been deciding it would be ok if I gave up this one time with my summer class (calc 1). I just decided the circumstances would allow for it.

Now (and I'm sure this is largely because I'm not being allowed to drop it), I realize that this is still a concept I want to be prevalent in my life. Even if I don't get a passing grade, I will have at least attempted. I will have gone through with it all. I will have given it my best. So a pre-thanks to Dad and Mom for making me stick through it, as much as I hate it now.

I also decided that I am just way too unexcited for classes. Which makes no sense because I love school. It's a natural feeling with me. I can't remember any school year that started where I wasn't excited to be back, learning more, making more friends, having new teachers. It's just always been my thing. But I wasn't excited for classes this summer semester, and I'm not excited for them this fall. So in order to give myself a break so I can realize what I'm missing, I'll be taking one full year off after summer semester ends. (Ha. Surprise, mom and dad!)

I figure, this fall is the semester that I agreed to start paying for my own education, but I'm not really in a financial place to do so, yet. And though I am sure they'd be willing to continue to help me out, I'm not excited about classes anymore (as stated above). And I should be. I don't want to go to college because I've graduated from high school and that's what I'm supposed to do. I want to go because I love learning and I want to continue pursuing an education so I can help change the world. I am sure I will gain this passion back if I only have some time off.

So, current path I'm walking in life:

-finish summer semester.

-take off fall 2012/ spring 2013/ summer 2013. In this time I will work, read, write, and possibly live in China, where I'll teach teachers, read, write and be awesome. Of course.

-sign up for my awesome classes in fall 2013. :)

Still so much is unknown right now, but I'm getting somewhere.