Let the Games Commence.

Alright! This is my first week of freedom! It feels really nice. I have no school this week, and unlike everyone else in my calc class who have only 3 (maybe 4, actually) weeks off before going back to the trap of school, I get to retain my freedom longer! Much longer.

Dang. Look at that language, in that paragraph. Did I really just refer to school as a trap? I even considered calling it a prison. This is clearly a well-needed break.

So I have some goals for while I'm out of school:

• Get a job.
• Finish 2 of my stories (one of these needs to be done by Christmas this year... it's a present for my friends).
• Re-read my chemistry and criminal justice textbooks.
• Move out.
• Read. A lot. I have quite the list going on goodreads.com (which is a wonderful website that I recommend to anyone who is looking for new books to read).
• Finish (and start-- I suppose that's an important part of finishing something) P90X. Gonna start that one tomorrow.

Yes. I think that's it on my list. I've got approximately 55 weeks to complete these items.

Alas, I just rubbed my eye and my contact fell out. So I'm going to go take them out and get to sleep. Wish me luck on attaining my goals!

Alright, Casey...

Today I took my calc final. I think it went pretty well, and I am really excited to now take some time off of school. Writing, piano-playing, reading, and working. It will be a wonderful time. :) I'm excited.

But, more importantly than not having class for a while, you know what today signifies? The last of my criteria for "how long two is months" being checked off. Down to the second.

That means that The Dark Knight Rises already came out, as we are all fully aware, thanks to a certain crazy person (though the movie was way awesome. I loved it, and highly recommend it, just as I highly recommended The Dark Knight). The Amazing Spiderman has already come out, also (I haven't seen it, but I hear it's way better than the set with Toby McGuire). Venus has transited the sun, for the second and last time this century, and thanks to Chaelomen and MJ's fancy glasses, I got to witness it. I have both started and finished my summer class. Hurricane season started sometime last month, I do believe, in the Atlantic. Not one, but TWO of the girls I graduated with have gotten married (at least two. One of them is my best friend, and she actually eloped). I now have a dog, his name is Jack, he's part American Eskimo, part Pomeranian, and I love him. I will have to post pictures soon. AND my cousin has been living in Italy for just under a month, now (he loves it, btw).

Furthermore, it has been 9 weeks, 63 days, 1512 hours, 90720 seconds at least since I got an email telling me I'd know in about two months if I was accepted to go back to China. It has been two months.

Now, I'm usually a pretty patient person. But this is really important to me. I really want to go back. I'm really excited by this possibility of returning. We've already got some nice new luggage that will *knock on wood* last me longer than the trip to get there one way. I've already started planning what kind of things I want to do with the girls-- where I take them, what kind of food we'll eat. I already have a loose plan of what I'm packing in my head. I've already vowed to take more picture, more videos, and blog about our experiences in China no less than once a week.

I'm excited.

But I'm also worried that I won't get the opportunity to go back (I know it's a minor possibility, but I enjoy beating the odds, so the fact that I might not is killing me) and I'm also worried that Casey will decide I can go back, then send me to a different school. Which wouldn't be the end of the world, and I would have so much fun at my new school. Really, I would. And I would consider myself lucky for being able to be there. But I really would love to see my kids again.

Come on, Casey... Time to tell me I can go back to Nanlang!... I'll just be waiting here, checking my email twice a day, waiting for your reply... Thanks...

The time that we kill keeps us alive.

So I'm sitting here texting my best friend, killing time until I decide it's appropriate to go to sleep. Or until I become less hungry. It is hilarious. We are awesome. Here's some examples:

"Who's Dustin?"
"Uh, did you know Kiki in high school? Her boyfriend."

"She still dating Dustin?"
"I don't think so. His profile picture looks like not."

"Hah I looked her up and the guy in her profile pic is not David."

"Ha. Dustin?"

"Whatever lol. Shows how much I knew him."
"Haha the name is in this text conversation!"

"But then I'd have to exit my text box to re look at it."

Heh. I love how she said his name TWICE and still forgot it. :)

"Still didn't pass my gateway, but still better than last time."

"How much better?"

"One point."

"Well that's something.?"

[Side note-- the gateway test is something they do in math classes. It's this one quiz that you have to take, and if you don't pass it, you don't pass the course. It doesn't matter how you do on everything else. Also, if you pass it, but fail everything else, you still fail the course.]

And, the best of the best:

"Hey, did I dream that Kim Kardashian died, or was that real?"

Hahaha. Oh dear. I love my friends, and I just would like to formally say how grateful I am for them. You can't find anyone better than them. I guarantee it.

I don't ask for much.

Truth be told, I'd settle for a life less frightening.

I'm sure everyone knows about the Aurora shooting. If you don't, you clearly live under a rock, and you should google it. Terrible thing, and since it's been so heavily on the news, I'm not going to go into details about it. There's just no need.

So I'm on facebook looking at people's statuses, and my school's official page has an update that says, "The MSU Denver community is mourning broadcast major Jessica Ghawi, one of the victims of the shooting in Aurora. Our thoughts and deepest sympathies go to Jessica's family, friends, and those whose lives she touched at MSU Denver. We will provide details on a memorial service when information becomes available. For those who need assistance, the Counseling Center is available at [--------], and their crisis number is [--------]."

I didn't know this girl. At least, the name didn't ring a bell, so I tried facebooking her to see if I recognized her picture, and instead, I found a RIP page dedicated to her. On it, they share her blog so you can read about her life.

http://jessicaredfield.wordpress.com/

3 weeks ago today there was a mall food court that was shot up in Toronto, and Jessica was there on vacation. I find it particularly heartbreaking that she avoided death and injury there just to die at the shooting the other night. For the record: No, I didn't know her. But she seems like an amazing girl, and I wish I had.

About the song and quote... I, personally, am fine. This tragedy hasn't ruined my life, but I know that what happened in that theater was terrifying for a lot of people. A lot of people feared they would die, or that their loved ones would die. And while I believe in eternity and that there's a life after this one, while I believe that someday, we'll all look back at Earth-life and realize how insignificant that short blip of time was, we're not at that point yet. Life on Earth is all I know-- it's all any of us know. And so when bad things happen here, it's life shattering. And someday it won't matter that much. But for now, it does. That's all that's important. Right now, it matters.

So that's all I mean by the song quote. I don't mean to imply that I'm scared of what's beyond my doors. I don't mean I fear that I or someone I know will die in a freak-shooting like this while in class or walking down the street. I recognize these are possibilities, but I don't think they're likely and I'm certainly not going to let the possibility of something bad happening stop me from doing something I love. I hope it won't stop those I love from doing something they love. What I mean by the quote is that I know bad things happen, and I know that it's painful for a lot of people out there. And I wish that it didn't have to be.

But, I suppose, that's actually part of why I'm going into the field I'm in. I won't be able to stop these things from happening, but with my job, I'll hopefully be able to bring some closure to those who experience these kinds of things. I'll be able to help them move on and move past the fear, so they can try to put back a semblance of the life they had before.

I'm going to need a few "physical representations of the concept of effort" myself.

Classes are almost over! Just 1 test, 2 classes, and 1 final away!

So now that I can stop focusing so much on this class, my next focus is getting a job.

I applied for a job with a city around here, and they contacted me for an interview. It's to be a Program Facility Supervisor. The job description mentioned belaying people and climbing walls and such, which is why I applied. But it sounds more like I'd be working at a Rec Center, doing all kinds of things, only maybe occasionally working with the climbing wall. That isn't quite what I meant to apply for (I think I thought this was at a climbing gym when I applied). But it still sounds like it would be fun. It would only be a evening/weekend job, 5-10 hours a week.

Also, I intend to go back to TGI Friday's... again. I applied back in January and went back for like 2 or 3 weeks, but then school had started and homework happened, so I stopped going in/calling. Then in May, after the semester ended, I went in again to ask if I needed to refill out an application, or what. And I went back in every week or two after that. I talked to the same lady each time, which is convenient because she's actually the one who's in charge of setting up interviews and everything. She really seemed to like me, and it was really promising. Which is why I kept going back. Until one day, when she wasn't there, so I talked to the general manager, and he told me that they just weren't really hiring right now, but if I come back when the fall semester starts up, there will be students going back to school, and they'll have open spots.

So back I will go! In approximately a week. I will probably also hit up Chili's. Mmm.

For a while, the thought crossed my mind that I would really like to actually work BOTH jobs, Program Facility Supervisor and at TGI Friday's. The more I think about it, though, the more it seems like a bad idea. One I could still potentially make work, but it wouldn't be a good idea.

PFS is an evening/weekend job, and that's pretty much what the host (and someday server) jobs a TGIF's would be. Then I was thinking, with PFS I'm looking at 1, maybe 2, shifts a week. And hopefully 3 or 4 shifts at TGIF's. So if I was scheduled for the same shift, I could just trade away my TGIF's shift. But when I actually stop to think about that, it actually sounds like a really risky (and terrible) move. What if no one could take my shift there? That would not be a desirable thing. I would probably end up being fired from one place.

So, if I get the option between both jobs, I'd probably go with TGIF's, because I could get more hours, so consequently more money. Plus, I think I'd make a pretty fantastic host, and someday a pretty fantastic server. But on the other hand, PFS sounds more impressive for a resume, and I think it would probably have a lot more variety in the job. The thing I'm worried about there is that it said something about swimming, and my swimming skills are super super poor. It's kinda sad, and really funny, to watch me try to swim.
And actually, about my "impressive resume" argument, neither of these jobs are in the field I want to end up in, so maybe it doesn't matter which job looks more impressive? Ha. Maybe.

I guess there's no sense in putting too much thought into it now. I need to see what my options end up being. Maybe I'll get a job at a completely different third party.

For now, it's far too late in the night, and I should go sleep for a bit before taking this test.

In fact, it's so late, I'm kinda glad that blogger is confused and tells everyone the completely wrong time that this blog was posted :)

At least it's a start.

I just went through all of my head teacher's blogs from when we were in China (she's Annalisa on the side bar, there, in case you want to run through and look at some pictures that I didn't ever post. It used to have the wrong URL, but I fixed that). I thought it might help me come to a decision about going back to China or not.

It definitely made me remember missing China and the awesome memories I made there with my friends. Made me want to go back and make new memories, get more friends, and change more lives.

Then, Jack (my dog) came and sat on my lap and was just being adorable in general. As he always is. And that reminded me of all the things that I would miss about being here if I left. I'm just not quite sure yet. I hate that this has been plaguing me for so long. One day, plan A will seem 100% right. Then the next day, I wonder how I ever thought going through with plan A was a legit option, when clearly plan B is where it's at. And more often than not, both options seem right and wrong at the same time.

Oh well. I'll get the answer eventually. I know it.

I have decided that I will make it through the last 4 weeks of school. That's 12 classes in total. I don't know how well I'll do, but I once found a quote that said, "I can accept failure. Everyone fails at something. But I can't accept not trying." For a long time, it was something I incorporated in my life, but the past couple weeks, I've been deciding it would be ok if I gave up this one time with my summer class (calc 1). I just decided the circumstances would allow for it.

Now (and I'm sure this is largely because I'm not being allowed to drop it), I realize that this is still a concept I want to be prevalent in my life. Even if I don't get a passing grade, I will have at least attempted. I will have gone through with it all. I will have given it my best. So a pre-thanks to Dad and Mom for making me stick through it, as much as I hate it now.

I also decided that I am just way too unexcited for classes. Which makes no sense because I love school. It's a natural feeling with me. I can't remember any school year that started where I wasn't excited to be back, learning more, making more friends, having new teachers. It's just always been my thing. But I wasn't excited for classes this summer semester, and I'm not excited for them this fall. So in order to give myself a break so I can realize what I'm missing, I'll be taking one full year off after summer semester ends. (Ha. Surprise, mom and dad!)

I figure, this fall is the semester that I agreed to start paying for my own education, but I'm not really in a financial place to do so, yet. And though I am sure they'd be willing to continue to help me out, I'm not excited about classes anymore (as stated above). And I should be. I don't want to go to college because I've graduated from high school and that's what I'm supposed to do. I want to go because I love learning and I want to continue pursuing an education so I can help change the world. I am sure I will gain this passion back if I only have some time off.

So, current path I'm walking in life:

-finish summer semester.

-take off fall 2012/ spring 2013/ summer 2013. In this time I will work, read, write, and possibly live in China, where I'll teach teachers, read, write and be awesome. Of course.

-sign up for my awesome classes in fall 2013. :)

Still so much is unknown right now, but I'm getting somewhere.