May 5, 2013

Don't really wanna make it tough. I just wanna tell you that I've had enough.

Don't I look so excited? His name is Fransisco Edwardo Rodriguez III. (I didn't spell that name, btw. A friend came up with it... I mean Fred's parents did.) 

We call him Fred for short. He's a hottie.

Why is this happening? Why am I getting "married"? Clearly I'm jealous of Audrey, that's why.

No, for reals. I just seem to have a problem with only attracting incredibly creepy guys. Here's some examples:

1- I used to work with this guy at Target. I used to think he was attractive, but then he got a girlfriend, right? Off limits. Which is fine, I later found out the one thing we had in common (books) was actually fake. He only told me he liked reading so we'd have something in common. And on top of that, he easily gained 50 lbs. No judgement, you know, it happens. But if the only thing that he had going for him was that I thought he was hot, and he also liked to read, and both of those things died... Ha. Anyway, he's currently been in this same steady relationship for 3, 3 and a half years. Yet he constantly texts me, hitting on me, asking for "naked cuddles." Um, is everything ok with you and Ali? "Things are on and off between us." Ah. Well, no, that's not happening. You have a girlfriend. "No, it's ok. They're friendly naked cuddles." Mm. Yeah, it's extra not happening, now.

2- There's a really old guy-- we're talking like 75 years old-- who's hitting on me at work. Here's a conversation we had, while I was cleaning a spin bike next to the one he was working out on. I look up to see him staring at me.
"Nothing, I'm just watching your cleaning technique."
Uh. "Is... it a good technique?"
"Oh yes, it's really good. Very enticing." What. No, just. Don't. What?
And then, the only other person back there (some lady walking on the treadmill) "That's inappropriate."
Haha. Inappropriate indeed. I had to tell my boss about him. He actually was enough of a creeper that one of my coworkers told my boss about him, too, without me even asking. So we're dealing with it, don't worry.

3- On Fridays, I've been covering a weird shift that has me helping close down the rec center, and then sticking around for a couple hours to create a barrier between the gymnastics class that's going on, and the Kid's Nite Out program that runs. It's not bad, but I'm stuck standing in this one confined area for an hour and a half, and that leaves me subject to people like KNO Creeper. First time we met, I was standing there and smiled briefly at him. Now, I'm going to hold that this wasn't my fault, I smile at tons of people like that, and they don't automatically think I love them.
Anyway, he just keeps coming over to talk to me, and eventually my boss comes down to help me set up for my parent tot climbing class the next day (I have duct tape bracelets that I need to tape to the wall for my kids to climb up and get), and he just stops by occasionally to watch me climb. Um. Cool. He doesn't even say anything to Melissa, my boss. He just watches me then walks away.
As I'm leaving I run into him.
Me- "Oh. Hey. Well, see you around, have a good night."
KNOC- "You're leaving?"
Me- "Yeah, my shift's over. See you."
KNOC- "What's your name?"
Me- Well that was awfully forward. "Bridget."
Funny thing, a couple weeks later, I'm standing at the fitness desk before the rec center closed, cutting out some stickers for class the next day, and he comes up to me.
"Oh, hi."
"It's Katie, right?"
I look up at him. "No, it's not." I laugh and continue cutting my stickers.
He's standing there, awkward. "Uh. Don't tell me don't tell me..." haha.
Even after that he's still hitting on me awkwardly.

4- There's a guy at church who, although we don't actually live in the same state or talk ever, I occasionally get texts from him saying just really random things. He'll say things that are vaguely normal like, "How's school going?" but then he'll also say things like, "I think you're really pretty and awesome. Like Po's first dream sequence in Kung Fu Panda." Um. Alright, then.
On facebook, I had a profile picture that he messaged me about because he didn't want to comment on and sound pretentious. He said, "I kindly ask that you stop being so attractive, it's quite intimidating." Hm. You know, we're not friends. He likes me because he thinks I'm way smarter than I actually am, and because I once bore my testimony and started it by talking about how I was reading Ender's Game last night.
He once texted me completely out of the blue to point out my initials spell BRO, and he thinks that's cool. I'm not really sure why he was thinking about me to the extend that he realized what my initials spell, but we're not close friends at all, and I'm not ok with this train of thought.

5- Last summer, there was an investigator at church who had a thing for me. After a total of maybe 6 texts between the two of us, he started telling me all about his depression and life problems and did that obnoxious thing where I'd tell him that people loved him and try to make him feel better, and he'd just deny it. Ok, then you're right, you're a terrible person with nothing to live for. My mistake.

6- And this isn't a new problem. I've had this problem for at least 7 years. My first (and only) boyfriend was also quite the creeper. He constantly threw suicide threats in my face. He was one of those kids that always listened to MCR and other really emo bands. He cut, and in some roundabout way would tell me it was my fault. I kept trying to fix him for a solid year and half, and now I have no sympathy for attention whores like him. Which made my experience with Creeper Number 5 short lived.

Some of these guys are clearly more creepy than others. It's not just them, there's more. And these aren't the complete stories, but I don't want to keep going. I'll never stop typing if I try to tell all my creepy guy problems.

But all that said, I'm done haha. I'm not playing this game anymore. I was kinda hoping that all the creepers in the world would just sorta sense that I have three intimidating big brothers, but that's not really working for me, so I'll have to start introducing people to Fred. Hopefully it deters them.


Scooter said...

I'm sorry to say, this doesn't really work. Creepers gotta creep. Doesn't matter if there's a ring on your finger

Anonymous said...

But Bridget... I could love you like a sailor, I could make you dance all night.
Maybe you'll understand when I'm gone, that you had no idea at all.

Susie said...

Ick, Ick, and more Ick.

So sorry honey. But great novel material?

Berserk said...

LOL @ Anonymous!

And good luck, Bridget! I think that mastering the occasional "FO look" might help you a bit more than Fred, though.

Samara said...

Haha. Audrey, mom and Jason, that is all exactly what Jenny told me. I should master intimidation, then write a book about it, clearly.

And Sara, I don't want to be a fool for you. Just another player in this game for two.