Culver's: 1.5 stars

 Culver's

Notes from this lunch: I am totally digging the plastic number thing that all these restaurants are doing where you get a physical plastic number, and then they bring your food out to you. Also, what a delicious shake! But my condiments are coming through the bun. Seriously, where'd that hole come from? The people here talk too fast, ahh. They tricked Sara into getting a double burger! Fiends! The food was slightly chewy, but it was a good float (root beer float, that is).

And yes! The rumors are true! I have now confiscated Sara's Burger-Rating Notebook so that I can put all her ratings and comments in, as well. The way I've set up these posts is: Name of restaurant (in bold), Paragraph incorporating all the notes we took while eating, Paragraph describing food, Pictures of food, Ratings of food (usually mine first, then Sara's), Pictures of us eating, Description of our experience and/ or justification of ratings, Summary of where we ate and average rating, Picture of number of stars awarded to restaurant. You may go back (like you needed my permission) to see Sara's older ratings. Except for Smashburger-- she forgot her Burger-Rating Notebook and instead wrote everything on a sticky note, and has yet to transfer her notes.

Alright. So we get to this place, and it is much more fast-foodish than either of the other restaurants we've been to. So we decided, instead of ordering our sandwiches and getting fries/side dish to split, we'd just each get a meal. We got the uh... bacon something something. Just a bacon cheeseburger, I don't remember the fancy names they gave it. I got regular fries as a side, and a chocolate shake to drink (top). Sara got sweet potato fries, and a root beer float (bottom). Note the random pickle on top of her food. Haha. Excccellent.

Freshness: 7

Juiciness: 3

Deliciousness: 4

[Bun-soakage: 2]

Flavor awesomeness: 3

Uniqueness: 1

Condiment-ratio: 4

[Greasiness: 3]

Appearance: 5

Side dish deliciousness: 6

Side dish uniqueness: 1

Price: 4

Fullness Level: 10

[Messiness: 8]

Freshness: 7

Juiciness: 2

Deliciousness: 4

[Bun-soakage: 2]

Flavor awesomeness: 3

Uniqueness: 1

Condiment-ratio: 5

[Greasiness: 4]

Appearance: 5

Side dish deliciousness: 3

Side dish uniqueness: 2

Price: 5

Fullness level: 10

[Messiness: 8]

Here is my first bite.

Here is Sara's pissed-off-that-you-would-dare-to-take-a-picture-of-me look.

Haha. When Ally took the pictures, she took them right in a row so this is actually just mid-glance for Sara. But I thought it was an awesome picture anyway. Hopefully she agrees ;)

Ok. So, as I believe I said earlier, we got to this place and it was much more fast-foodish than restaurants we have previously been eating at. They still gave us plastic numbers and had people run out and give us our food, instead of making us come up to the counter to get it, but that has little pull in the fanciness of this restaurant. Luckily, the fanciness of a restaurant does not affect the quality of food. At least, not directly. It's a strong indicator of the food quality, but not a direct factor. Sadly, we were not living in the future. The drink machine was just a regular one. And if I remember correctly, it was behind the counter anyway. Don't quote me on that, though. I got a shake, so I didn't care much about the pop.

That shake, man! It was really good. If I ever returned to Culver's (not likely), then I would only get the shake. And maybe some fries. Their regular fries-- the ones I got-- were pretty average. Which is more than I can say for their sweet potato fries. While I may not have technically rated those, I still tried them. They were terrible. Worst sweet potato fries I've ever had in my life. And I like sweet potato fries, so it's not a prejudice I have against the food itself.

Our burgers were... less than par. The meat was really dry, but the tomatoes and pickles kept dripping down and made the burgers pretty messy. And the condiments! Mine had a terrible ratio! I'm serious, at one point, there suddenly appeared a tiny hole in the bottom of my bun that everything just started leaking through. It was messy, to say the least. And the bacon... That was also less than par. It was really chewy. In general, the burger was just not a good experience. But as a plus-- possibly the only plus-- the tomatoes and lettuce and pickles all tasted fresh enough.

When we decided we were done, we still had some food left over. We weren't hungry, so we still gave it a 10 for fullness level, but it wasn't a good full feeling. You know how when you eat a really delicious meal, you might be full afterwards, but you don't feel like crap? You still feel good? That didn't happen here. There was actually a point after we finished eating where I said, "I am not pleased right now. This was not a good lunch." There are not many times in my life where I've actually just been upset at the food I've eaten. Which is a good thing. It reminds me of Ratatouille, where Anton Ego says, "I don't like food; I love it. And if I don't I love it, I don't swallow." There is not even a slight chance he would have swallowed this. I doubt he would have put it in his mouth in the first place.

Oh, and can I just take a second to talk about the price? I paid 8 something for my food, Sara paid 10 something (the reason mine was slightly cheaper was because I got regular fries, and apparently sweet potato fries add a bit of money. Also, I had a single burger, but Sara's cashier confused her and she ended up with a double burger). I paid less to eat at both restaurants we've previously reviewed. And-- AND-- I enjoyed that food. This food was total crap. There is no excuse to sell something so expensive and not have it be amazing. I could expect to go to a sit-down restaurant, even, and get an awesome burger, and still not top how much we paid here. Ridiculous. Ally told us that her family has been coming here for years. I cannot fathom why. Upon further questioning, she said they maybe get it once every 6 months. I still can't fathom why. I'm serious, after eating here, I went running for an hour and then ate fruit to try to cancel out all the bad. I don't recommend eating here. Ever.

So, there's Culver's for you. Mine and Sara's average ratings are 4.6 and 4.5, respectively. That would equal out to about 2 stars, but I'm docking them half a star because I was so displeased after the meal, which leaves them with: